“The Cosmic Joke” … or perhaps “Dashboard Jesus”

(or maybe “My Religiosity and Overall View of All Creation As Seen Through The Eyes of a Dashboard Jesus”)

Note from author: I have no reason to offend with what I have to say today.  However, if I DO offend, let me give you this quick guide on what the next step should be for my dear friend (being you) that has so inevitably been inconvenienced.  Step #1:  Re-read the blog, making conscious decisions to give me the benefit of the doubt.  If something can be taken two ways, take it the best of the possible ways.  Maybe I meant it that way, maybe I didn’t.  However, for the sake of your blood pressure, wouldn’t that be the health conscious way to go?  Step #2: If you are sure it was meant the way it sounds (and, let’s be honest, what are the chances of that?) take it with a grain of salt.  A spoon full of sugar might make the medicine go down, but it takes only a scoop of sodium to overlook an innocent flub.  And finally, Step #3:  re-read the blog for a third time, being sure to take in the subtext of today’s point.  After all, jokes are meant to be light-hearted!

The other week, my wife and I went to a very interesting candy store.  What a wonderful place!  Not only was it a purveyor of glucose imbedded nirvana, but it was in retro flash-back 80’s style.  Can a place where you can buy a pouch of Big League Chew and a bobble-head of Depeche Mode ever really be improved upon?  If so, I don’t want to know.

Within the merchandise of memory-laden treasures (perhaps between a metallic Scooby-Doo lunch box and a pack of Garbage Pail Kids trading cards) there was a good ol’ fashion dashboard Jesus.  I remember it well, having it burned into my memory; the loving plastic smile, the giving, accepting arms stretched out to next week, the white flowing robes, the Caucasian features with the light brown beard…

Ok, rabbit trail… We all know that Jesus didn’t actually look like that, don’t we?  For my money, I’m willing to bet his physical facial appearance was closer to that of Jamie Farr’s character from M.A.S.H.   But I digress.

My wife wanted it. “Buy me the dashboard Jesus, Kevin.  Buy me the dashboard Jesus PLEAAAASSSEEEEE”  To be honest, I wanted it too.  It was kitsch.  It was camp.  It was neato. However, 10 minutes later we exited the store sans one plastic replica of our Lord and Savior.

Why, you ask?

Why indeed!

It all came down to this….

I was petrified it would offend someone.  I was scared someone would not get the Cosmic Joke.

Now, let me immediately explain what I mean by the “Cosmic Joke”.  A number of years ago, in one of my more lucid moments, I devised this concept.  “There are two kinds of people in this world.   Those who get the Cosmic Joke and those who don’t.  Which one, I wonder, are you?”

There is an inherent problem with that.  The term “joke” is easily misinterpreted, much in the way a dashboard Jesus can be.  Some read it as the following; “Life’s just a joke to you, isn’t it?”.  So, instead of explaining what it is NOT (and don’t we Christians spend a lot of our time doing that?), let me explain what the Cosmic Joke IS!

For starters, the Cosmic Joke is a beautiful and loving thing.  It is the universe seen through the eyes of someone of infinite compassion, endless kindness, immense passion and a wonderful, often quirky, sense of humor.  I’m not just talking about obvious things such as the unique and bizarre make-up of a duck-billed platypus or the odd noises that are created from methane producing creatures.  It’s the overall humor and sense of wonder and splendor found in the most complex items of creation.  It’s the way that atoms and molecules seem to reflect the very cosmos and universe.  It’s the way sub-atomic particles born at the same event will copy each others pattern in an instant of change, no matter how much of the universe separates them.  It’s the way the spirit and soul defy anything but abstract concepts, but takes on real world attributes such as measurable synaptic pathways.  It’s a billion other amazing things built into our existence from the impossibly immaterial, to the immeasurably immense.

Are you getting it now?  Yes?  No?

Let me try one more time……

The Cosmic Joke is Jesus’ first miracle.  So many of His miracles were life or death.  So many dealt with spiritual and physical matters, such as healing blind eyes and casting out demons.  His greatest miracle of overcoming death with life is one that still leaves me breathless.  However, it was His first one that shows Him as the Creator of the Cosmic Joke.  What did He do?  He changed water into wine.  Absolutely pointless from the rational mind.  He changed boring ol’ water into a substance that many Christians today won’t even touch.  Sure, there are arguments about the alcoholic content of the refreshment, but c’mon. Seriously?  The Dude changed water into wine!  My point is simply this; the Creator of the universe devised, since the dawning of all creation, that upon the great crucible of man-kind’s last, greatest and only remaining hope of salvation to introduce Himself through the sign of the supernatural by changing the substance of one common liquid for another more regal one.  And why?  All for the sake of the enjoyment and satisfaction of the host of a single wedding party.

This, my friends, is the Cosmic Joke in a nutshell.

It is not a sacrilegious thing.  It’s a loving thing.  It is not sarcasm, but rather humor of the purest form.  It’s the creative creativity of the Creator.  It’s the reason that young children learn best through play.  It’s the reason mankind was built with such a fondness for beauty.  It’s the reason why laughter has the power to heal.  It’s the reason Jesus called the little children to Him, and commanded that all learn to be like them if they wish to enter into the Kingdom of God.

Do you get it now?  If you do, count yourself among the ones who get the Cosmic Joke.  If you don’t, don’t feel so bad.  You’re just a bit of a stick-in-the-mud.  It’s not like your salvation is hinged upon it.  My advice to you would be to simply lighten up a little and look around a lot.

“Excuse me, Kevin.  I don’t think I need to lighten up.  Don’t you get that we are in the middle of a war?”

Well, actually, no were not.  The war’s over.  Didn’t you hear?  Oh, sure there is still trials, and sure, in this world we’ll still have troubles.   But I’ve got good news for you.  The same guy that turned that water into that wine has overcome the world.  That’s the best news ever!

There is now hope.  There is now freedom.  There is now life, even in the darkest man-made and sin-induced dungeons.  There is now peace even in the most turbulent places.  There is now a great salvation that no man nor spirit can take from you.  There is a Savior, and where He is there is redemption to the highest degree.  You see, some parts of the Cosmic Joke are most eternally serious.

So where does my dashboard Jesus fit into all this?  Ready for me to bring it full circle?  Simply this…

…I feared offending those who don’t have a Cosmic sense of humor!

I feared those who saw it as sacrilegious and not as the light-hearted expression of love and a delight of the sanctified.  I feared those who didn’t get the Cosmic Joke.  Strange to think that the Pharisees still have an influence on us to this very day, isn’t it?

And THAT, my friends, is my religiousness in a nutshell.

Simple definition according to the lexicon of Kevin: “Religiosity: n. something done that might seem spiritual, but is done solely for the sake of false piety or fear”

It wasn’t right. To my wife I say sorry for letting my own hang-ups get in the way of a humble and sincere desire to put a dashboard Jesus up in our car for no serious reason other than to say, “This is Jesus, whom I love with my whole heart”.  It was the simple fear of judgment from others who can’t enjoy the beautiful woods because they can’t stop butting their heads into the trees.

I will get you that dashboard Jesus next time we’re in town.

Oh, and maybe a pouch of Big League Chew!