Away From The Things of Man

Author’s note: This is a edit from the archives.  A dear family whom I love lost their soldier son a few weeks ago, and my heart breaks for them.  He himself is now away from the things of man, but they are still here missing him more than I can imagine.  Loss, pain and sorry are part of this humanity we must face, sure, but sometimes we just need to get away from the things of man and look for something higher than us.

Since the writing of this blog, I have the chance to join my friends yearly on their adventure.  It does the soul so much good to see creation from a different perspective.  Does it really get you away from the things of man?  Maybe a little.  But there needs to be something more.  And it’s this “something more” that is truly transforming my life.  

And yes, it’s about grace again.  It’s ALWAYS about grace!  Enjoy.

Yesterday they buried one of my greatest heroes. Last night I dreamt of him. In the dream he walked in a free place away from the constraints of his illness and his mortal body. He was free from all the trails and turbulence of this life among the sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve. He was in a place of freedom. He was away from the things of man.

That is a line that has haunted me since I first heard it. I have romanced the idea of slipping away from the mind games and the pressures of our modern society and disappearing. It sounds pretty, doesn’t it? However it’s not practical. One can get away for awhile maybe.  Yet there is one flaw in this siren’s call…. you can’t escape the things of man as long as you, yourself, are a thing of man.

My friends greatly affected me. During a recent visit, I got to hear of their adventures in the great outdoors and it reminded me of my teen years when it was nothing to pack a canoe and disappear off the grid for a week or two. It’s a little harder to get away now as all my “gang” who does that sort of thing has spread-out to the four corners of the earth. I am, however looking for a way to get back in. Maybe. Although I know I can’t truly escape from the things of man, I see the need to take a break from it whenever possible…

…for sanity’s sake!

The one thing I do, however, is jog. For a half-hour a day I don’t just stroll away from life as I know it, I all out flee. Don’t get me wrong… I love my life. But for the sake of peace and mental clarity,  I run. While others run to think over stresses and problems, I run as hard as I can to forget them or at least ignore them. I try to outrun them. Man, are they fast!

And while I run, I think. A better way to describe my “jogging thoughts” would be to say I “long”. I long for ways to be a better man, a better husband, a better friend. I long for ways to be a better influence, a better renaissance, a better listener. I long to be able to run as fast as that 90 lb stick that just blew past me like I was standing still. Ah man!

There is one theme, however that runs through my entire longing. It’s basic in it’s essence, but it has been the monkey on my back all these years. Did I say monkey? No, that’s not right. That brings up visions of a cute little funny faced critter catching an innocent ride. Think more of a rabid baboon with a short, cruel whip. When you hear my deepest, darkest longing, that will seem like a misplaced metaphor, but believe me, it feels accurate.

You see, my deepest, most intimate longing is to be good.

Not do good things or be though of as good. Those are somewhat within reach. But to be good.

Right down to the core.

Good.

How can something so pure and so worthy become fire in a man’s soul? All I long for is to be looked at by one qualified and declared, “This one is genuinely, for all intensive purposes, purely good!” It is the pinnacle of all I ever desire to be.

However, it’s also most assuredly and utterly impossible.

It has become my white whale. I have worked myself to the bone in a tireless and frantic effort to achieve even it’s lowest ranks. It’s all in vain. It is a house of cards. Every time I feel I have achieved it, in my exhaustion I see it completely out of my reach.  For every worthy motivation ( “I wish to be good to prove my love for God” ) there is a underlying sinister one ( “Am I only wanting to be good so that others will love me?” )

It is a mind game and a trap. It is a lie and a distraction.

It is, in essence, a thing of man.

It is a thing of man, and I am a man.

If this was all there was, my life would be essentially unlivable. Thank God this is not all. You see, for everything in my life that brings death, there is a greater force in me bringing forth life. The harder I try to escape from the things of man and fail, the stronger the other works behind the scene, independent and separate from all my struggle and effort.

It is NOT a thing of man.

It is a thing of God.

While I was running yesterday thinking of my hero who was returned to the earth yesterday (who was, in my mind, the essence of “good”) and thinking about my self-inflicted purgatory, I came across a strange thing. In my running as in my life I’m training myself to look up. You see, I’ve developed a bad habit of staring at my own feet when lost in though and miss out on the breathtaking scenery that goes past me. As I was looking down at my feet pounding out the miles and thinking of ways to rebuilt my tower of goodness, I noticed a single cement sidewalk panel fly by underneath my feet. I thought I had imagined it so I circled back. The picture etched into it was a string of sinister thorns reaching out as if to draw blood. Thorns grown as if to bite into the flesh of the innocent, of the good. Thorns grown as if pre-destined to be weaved sadistically into a crown…

It occurred to me, as it always does when grace is at work in my sorry state, that goodness is impossible for me to achieve.

However, it is mine none-the-less.

It’s like I strive and strive and strive in vain to gain something that has been sitting in my back pocket the whole time. Goodness that is so closely related to grace that it needs to be spoken of in the same breath. Not of myself, so I cannot boast (and believe me I would boast). It’s goodness that I have not earned and I don’t deserve.

Yet there it is despite. I am fallen, I am flawed, however…

I am good.

So will I keep on seeking to be good in my own power and my own effort? I’m afraid that the answer is yes. It’s my very nature. Will I fail in this endeavor? Am I not human? It’s as assured as I know those who love me will continue to love me even after times when I am act unlovable. It’s as assured as the fact that that failure will leave me heartbroken. An yet, I will continue to find grace and goodness at work in me simply because of the fiercely loyal and viscously protectiveness of Him who loves me the most.

Brother Mike is now away from the things of man. I will continue to try to run from them, as often and as quick and as far as I can. And every once in a while a careless glance down will catch a lone piece of sidewalk

…and I will remember that I’m farther away from the things of man that I deserve.

Thank God for that!